Spotlight!

A friend of mine recently underwent the resection of a benign pituitary cyst. When I had first told about trans-sphenoidal surgeries (endoscopic surgeries through the nose), he was completely incredulous. I followed him through his various states of disbelief, from diagnosis to post-resection. Two weeks after his operation, I was glad to see him perfectly hale and hearty. We had a good laugh as he described what went through his mind on the day of the surgery. It is hard to be a patient, I guess. My father underwent a cholecystectomy (gall bladder removal) a few months back. He removes at least 4-5 gall bladders a week. According to his surgeon, he had 20 suggestions, till the anesthesia knocked him off! I wonder what Dad was thinking. I bet thought of everybody ..from Kocher to Gall!This is what M was thinking..

As he lay waiting for his surgery in the oh-so-severe sterile light of the waiting room, M was thinking of lots of things. Dr. K had returned from a wonderful vacation at Europe. What if...what if... he left his skill at the golden sands of the French Riviera? Just hypothetical, but what if? What if he comes, drapes him, sticks the endoscope up his nose, and says he does not feel like doing it today? Will he lie down here another day, thinking of hypothetical situations again? Will insurance cover this day? What about the drugs? He has to take leave again... Oh no...that would mean no more PTO, no India trip this year..Oh well.. lets think a little differently. California is so prone to earthquakes. What if just when the snare grabs his cyst, there is an earthquake measuring 9 on the Richter's scale? And the fateful shake of Dr. K's hand pulls out half his brain. May be one fourth.. well more than required, what function am I going to lose? Is everybody going to leave the room after the earthquake with the endoscope sticking out of my nose? What if the anesthesia wears out? What if they give me too much of it? What if they cant take out the tumor and they have to drill through my skull? Where would they break my head? With what ? Chisel and hammer?? Oh Gawd... electric saw? How would they cut the scalp? Will I have incisions like Aamir Khan in Ghajini? What about Short Term Memory loss? What if I forget things? What if I don't remember things? What is my wife doing? What about the actual things that Dr. K said that could actually could happen. I am reasonably sure he cannot predict earthquakes. Blood transfusions? Why?? Will I be on hormone replacement for life? What if it grows back? Another surgery??

Well here's my turn! White lights, big white lights. When I close my eyes I can see UFOs. Open eyes. Big white lights. Close eyes. UFOs. Yes, I am M. How am I doing?? What do you think Ms. Nurse? How would you be doing if you know they are going to pull a piece of your brain through your nose? Oh that's the anesthesiologist. I hope he knows what he is doing. Has he done this before? How many times? What's that white stuff in the syringe. OH MY GOD! That what Michael Jackson died of. Is that what it is? What did the New York times say about that drug? Something with P, I think. Did he just say that we are going to put you to sleep? Wait a minute. May be I should ask him whether the drug is safe. Is there any substitute? Billie Jean... Home... My wife... little sleepy...

*%$#! The pain! My head! Its screaming. The lights are a little bright, recovery room I think. I better close my eyes. Am I going to puke? Oh yes I am. Stop slapping me, you.stupid nurse.... I am alive and slapping me is just not going to anyway help. Yes I am M. Where am I? Is this the time for this? Somebody get me something to vomit into. I will just lie still. And please, somebody make this nurse shut up. The time? How audacious. Can't she just see the clock? She wants me to tell here the time? 3-4 in the afternoon I guess.........aaah,< puke puke ..puke>... Good God! My head! .... I want to sleep.. when do u get me out of here... Clearly, not now.

It took him a week to feel better. Walking to the bathroom was like climbing Mt. Shasta! He took painkillers with morbid fear. Dr. K. had almost convinced him that more than 2 tablets and he will need a liver transplant! It had taken some amount of explanation that he needn't writhe in pain for the fear of a liver transplant! He feels fine now and has started working almost as hard as ever, to his wife's dismay. He had new views on the need for health care reforms. The cost of the surgery was S132,000 which he is still not able able to believe. Thank goodness for insurance!