10 Stupid Things I did in college

1. Cried myself sore and stayed back in room, after I flunked the Physiology "Part Completion Test" (also known as PCT...duh) and thereby missed "The Grand Opening of the skull". (seriously how many times in your life do you open a skull with a chisel and hammer? Plus, I never had or will have intentions of becoming a neurosurgeon, or perhaps an African witch doctor!)
2. Fell in love with Biochemistry ( its okay if you roll up your eyes). It was just infatuation!
3. Hid from Dr. Venkatratnamma whenever I wore jeans.
4. Came (first), saw, and conquered the varicose veins case....totally uncalled for...all the tourniquets we tied and removed we could never figure out where the perforator was.
I even got him tomato bhaat from canteen.
5. Took notes in Dr. Srikantaya's class.....
6. Tried to study pediatrics from Nelson ( so uncalled for..) . My only achievement in pediatrics probably was mugging up and retaining fluid-electrolyte management. Considering I hoped to pass pediatrics with my internal medicine knowledge, Nelson was so not required.
7. Probably drank 8-10 cups of bitter, strong coffee everyday. Coming to think of it I drank more coffee than water and spend a small fortune on it.
8. Wore those ridiculous dresses just because I did not have to iron them !!!
9. Tried to have intelligent conversation in a Community Medicine class....(so hopeless).
10. College trips I undertook: to be counted amongst the most embarassing mistakes of my life.

The Dissection of Anatomy.

This is the most paradigmatic anatomy diagram. It would be in the back cover of 'foreign' anatomy books. There were a handful who tried to even read them, most sane people giving up in a month. In my opinion though, the most appropriate use for them would be weight lifting. 'Gray's Anatomy' is the most celebrated anatomy text. For those of you who are thinking when was the book on Meredith and Derek's romance released, Gray's Anatomy is a big fat boring book. Its a GR-A-Y and not GR-E-Y. if it is of any help. The height of hotness in the book is 'The Vitruvian Man' not McDreamy. In med school, no prof looks like McDreamy, most of the are more Nazi than Bailey. And inspite of poring through books all day and night, no one knows answers in rounds (unlike Yang and Izzie, who in four seasons have never studied, they have very laborious love-lives though)

The text which I studied and almost all medical students in India have studied is B. D. Chaurasia's Textbook of Anatomy. Small red volumes, three of them, just giving you what is important. I used to still mark the very important and when time is too short, very very important questions and read them. I would have never been Henry Gray's favorite pupil. Heck! anatomy didn't even impress me. For most medical students, anatomy is the First Year. Physiology (in my opinion a more conceptual subject) was a mere appendage and Biochemistry a distant cousin. Everybody loved anatomy; I loved a certain boy in my high school bus. Everybody has problems, I guess. Girls in particular ( always if the characteristics involved are weird, it must be associated to a girl). In my hostel, girls used to read anatomy in the morning, pre-prandial, post prandial, in evening and at night. There was no time in the day, girls in junior hostel would be found to be indulging in any mundane activity. The erudite lot studied anatomy, making Henry Gray twist and turn in his grave. My attention span with Anatomy was forty five minutes, and retention power was one day. why bother cramming so much, if I am going to anyway forget it anyway.

The cardinal part of Anatomy instruction is Dissection. We used to have two hours of Dissection everyday, after lunch, at two o'clock. At that time of the day, interest in education was grossly depreciated and what was required was a good siesta. The dissection hall didn't have stools, we stood all the time trying to read Cunningham's Manual. All volumes of the book should be included in non-pharmacological treatment of insomniacs. May be they should start a cohort study with the new batch. All of us were a persevering lot, always looking into the book, though never registering anything. The art of dissection was practiced in beginning of chapters. We used to dissect so wonderfully, that nothing was left to study, no nerves, no arteries, no veins. Gradually, love stories blossomed and idle talk increased, interest in dissection as a process became sporadic (very much like my posts). There were academic high points though: study of the mammary tissue (distributed to all tables with male bodies, like gurudware ka langar), study of the eye (cow's eyes provided for better understanding; likened to my friend Divya's eyes); the grand opening of the skull (which I missed, because I was crying in my room when I flunked physiology. Hey! even I am a girl) and maybe study of the male external genitalia (somebody stole a testis; as if he could attach it!).

I somehow passed Anatomy, by making 'colorful diagrams' in theory and by blinking rapidly and occasionally making an intelligent statement in the viva. I do not have to go to Anatomy class in future, I fervently hope.

PROLOGUE

There are various ways to begin a paragraph: in an essay, review, speech or any of those write-ups which were common place in school. I am writing an article or any sort after a very long time (my unfortunate readers would thank God for minor miracles!). When I was in kindergarten the writing assignments invariably were to the likes of 'The Cow' and 'Our Country India'. The common beginnings therefore were: 'The cow is a mammal.' and 'India is a beautiful country',respectively. One of my teachers, being in retrospection, rather Laloo- esque, even made us write " The Cow is our holy Mother." My Mother was not very pleased as this intrusion into her motherly duties. It resulted in the change my primary school.

As we grew older and as I adopted my new missionary school ways, beginnings of essays changed substantially, but changed into a different cliche. Class 4- 8 was the era of quotes. ' No man is an island entire of himself.'( I used it so many times that John Donne would have twisted and turned in his grave). 'The quality of mercy is not strained.' But I showed no mercy: quotes, cliches, aphorisms galore. The ten mark essay would yield at least a seven. The English teacher would be impressed. She would make me read my essay in class. My peers (also known as competitors, sworn enemies, currently known as old friends) would snub. One would say his 'Dream the impossible dream ' was far better than my 'Hold fast to your dreams'. The other would take answer sheets for comparison. We used to just write eight letter words. Then we started speaking in eight letter words. One of my classmates had started saying 'Greetings' instead of 'Hi' as it had nine letters. He would then take our permission ' to inflict his company' on us. (Sigh!!) Our teachers would talk in the staff room about the 'healthy' atmosphere of competition in class. 'Constructive criticism' was a commonly used phrase.

Ninth and tenth were different. We developed our own styles of writing. Plagiarism was common. But, we all had distinctive styles. Eleventh and Twelveth: ready to experiment, more mature in expression, puns and euphemisms being the latest fad. Unfortunately (fortunately, for the English teacher), nobody had the time or the inclination to write. Time passed, creative writing started getting restricted to those answers in theory papers in Medical School. In my final year of medicine, creative writing in exam papers had reached its pinnacle. My three page answer on pelvic injuries had captured my imagination, would also have enraptured the examiner. Fortunately, I passed all years. My achievements in creative writing were minuscule as compared to those visionaries who showed applaudable originality in answers on Iceberg Phenomenon ( ice is melting-sea levels ) and Sexual asphyxia ( will leave it to your fertile imagination).

I wield my pen again and as I would have said in Class seven: I put on my thinking cap. This time there is no English teacher to impress, no bleary eyed audience to 'inflict' my speech on, no classmate to eclipse (damn!). This is just succor of my VEXED!!! mind. May be I ' ll throw in a quote or two. (Heck) 'Life itself is a quotation.' ( Jorge Luis Borges ) Blastoff! [;)]